When I said that Christopher "Sleeping It Off" Hitchens aspired to become the hopped-up Rudyard Kipling of our time, I didn't expect to find that he'd published something called "My Ideal War" the very same day! The Lord giveth, but he doth not take.
Hitchens, you're mad, mad I say! Here's a guy willing to retroactively re-prove all the disproven relations between bad, bad Saddam and bad, bad al-Qaeda based on the reportage of Stephen Hayes (sic). I quote: "a tranche of suggestive and incriminating connections, based on a mere fraction of the declassified documents, showing Iraqi Baathist involvement with jihadist and Bin Ladenist groups from Sudan to Afghanistan to Western Asia." Throw the kitchen sink at 'em, Hitch, and slosh your drink on the nearest suede while you're at it. This is a man who writes for Vanity Fair. Who has published books!
Somehow I imagine him vastly fat, drunk, and in the costume of a barrister, his wig slightly askew as he harangues the court: "My Lord, the accused stands before you linked to a number of actions through a series of linkages and connexions to a list of groups responsible for a host of activities!" John Cleese pounds a gavel. A cartoon foot descends from the sky. Benny Hill dashes at double-speed across the ceiling pursued by women in burkhas with the breasts cut out. Dr. Who emerges from his telephone booth. God laughs. Jesus ressurrects. Elton John sings "Candle in the Wind." A man in a Guy Fawkes mask blows up parliament.
Hitchens says that after George Bush did his Topo Gigio routine at the UN in 2002, the member nations should've...
said: Mr. President, in principle you are correct. The list of flouted U.N. resolutions is disgracefully long. Law has been broken, genocide has been committed, other member-states have been invaded, and our own weapons inspectors insulted and coerced and cheated. Let us all collectively decide how to move long-suffering Iraq into the post-Saddam era. We shall need to consider how much to set aside to rebuild the Iraqi economy, how to sponsor free elections, how to recuperate the devastated areas of the marshes and Kurdistan, how to try the war criminals, and how many multinational forces to ready for this task. In the meantime—this is of special importance—all governments will make it unmistakably plain to Saddam Hussein that he can count on nobody to save him. All Iraqi diplomats outside the country, and all officers and officials within it, will receive the single message that it is time for them to switch sides or face the consequences. Then, when we are ready, we shall issue a unanimous ultimatum backed by the threat of overwhelming force. We call on all democratic forces in all countries to prepare to lend a hand to the Iraqi people and assist them in recovering from more than three decades of fascism and war.And then, friends, Hitchens sucks in a deep breath and exhales, "Not a huge amount to ask, when you think about it."
I believe the abbreviation is QED.