Progress Is Our Product

Via Roy Edroso: Jeff Jarvis, a rocky planet orbiting a minor star in the Microsoft arm of our spiral galaxy, revels in the eRevolution in iPermanence and sets forth a shirt in the paradigm of consciousness. It is not, mothers and fathers, so much that the endless infotainment bombardment of our modern times rots your children’s brains so much as it composts them. From the warm, soft pile of eggshells, chicken bones, and carrot peelings: New consciousness, awake; arise!

So the kids these days can listen to music, text message, and IM all at once. Look, ma, no hands! Twenty thousand years ago, some cave-individual scrawled in wonder on the walls that the newest generation could use the mortar and the pestle at the same motherfucking time. There is nothing new under the sun. The question must be asked: Is our children learning? Oh brave, new world!

The odd leap is in Jarvis' Star-Ledger source material: from "kids are patriotic" to "kids don't read newspapers," the clear implication being that by removing themselves from Bad News and allowing only the dawn-lit glow of Progress to wash over them, our youth have succeeded in erecting a fierce barrier to the depredations of reality that their bra-burning parents and International ANSWER-joining older siblings never managed. If only I’d never listened to Ma when she shouted “Turn that racket down!” from the base of the stairs, the siren song of Morrisey’s laments would remain the preoccupation of my moral imagination, and of sorrow I’d only think: “Under the iron bridge we kiiiiised, and although I ended up with sore lips . . .”

The uncried cri de coeur: Stop paying attention! Meanwhile it is Jarvis’ generation, or mine at very least, penning the headline: “Face the Nation: Demure Madonna and Anxious President.” That’s precisely the sort of post-categorical bullshit that Jarvis is praising. Smiley face. Wink. Lol. Ttyl.