A little beastie named Tom Schaller, presumtively a pee-wog given his blog address, has a certain misperception about fags. No, a number. A flock. A murder of misconceptions. The post is rather too vile to quote verbatim, but it distills easily:
I'm, like, totally straight. Me and my buds make fun of fags. Well really we just call each other fags. Cuz who wants to be a fag? That dude from Queer Eye--totally a fag. Here are some gay football players and stuff. That Queer Eye dude, I would, like, totally kick his ass. But those sports guys could kick my ass. And that is why straight dudes are afraid of gay dudes in sports.Straight men, and I know some of you are reading this, allow me to explain: you are a sorry lot. Your bodies are flabby. You do not excercise enough. You drink too much beer. You are less likely to play sports than to sit on your widening asses and watch them on the teevee. Many--most--gay men fall into that category as well, but fuck all that happy-happy we're-all-really-the-same bullshit. What we're really talking about here--what Schaller is really talking about--is an institutionalized culture of drinking lager, eating nuts (such as it is), and yelling at the teevee, versus ain institutionalized gay culture of youth and body worship, 7-day-a-week gym visits, cardiac stamina and sexual athleticism.
Here's a factoid: Between 1938 and 1963, the Kinsey Institute interviewed over 5000 men for its studies in human sexuality. Among other things, they measured the men's penises using five separate measures to mitigate against the obvious difficulties of measuring something that, you know, changes size. On all five measures, it was fags in first. Yes, Tom Schaller, we have better abs and bigger dicks. In the Junior High marketplace of locker-room bigotry that you seem eager to trawl, I believe that means we win.
15 comments:
The abs alone are enough to make me resentful and jealous.
Word
And your point about "eating nuts" is..what exactly? I feel a distinctively progressive hissy fit coming on.
LA Confidential,
I believe it was a reference to a certain ideological trainwreck.
"Eating nuts (such as it is)..." Oh, I did so enjoy that little moment. :>)
For reasons I don't begin to understand, it caused me to remember a line from "Charley's Aunt" (about Charley's aunt herself, I do believe, a very stern and forbidding old girl in the Lady Bracknell mold): "Oh, you know who she is, dear. She's the one from Brazil, where the nuts come from." It's awfully funny in the play; perhaps you had to be there.
Speaking of which: I was there. I acted in that play in summer stock some years ago (the same season in which I played Algernon in "Earnest," and about seven other parts)...probably before some of you were even born. Now, I think that calls for a drink...:>))
does this mean bears are closeted heteros?
hipparchia - No. Clearly under the rubric we are discussing, the ability to "kick ass" trumps all other considerations, and if you are able to kick the ass of a straight man, you are, by definition, a gay man, and a threat to football everywhere.
i,
Heh.
What you don't understand is that we are nefarious, and subtle. (That must be read at 'sub-tleh', because that's how I write it.) We understand that gay men seek out youth and beauty, so we deliberately cultivate the opposite appearance. Don't you understand that to the true hetero male, the notion that a fag might want to fuck us is enough to make us wake up screaming?
So no. No. A thousand times, no. We are warty and hoglike, and it is by design, for women are more generous than men are, and will fuck us anyway. And we like it like that. And we could not ask for more. Nor would we.
Say, how bout them Yankees?
Yeah, too bad some of these predilections seem pretty hard wired. Queer's a better deal on paper, at least for the sex. I don't think I could stand the lisping for very long though, and I hate to shop.
I swam nine miles this week, but on the other hand it's probably going to be a good one for beer consumption. (Why does football season have to end?) I'm so confused.
K
His post gets worse in light of his contribution to the comments:
"Some of my best friends..."
That shit didn't even fly back in the Eisenhower years.
gotcha. i was focused too much on the abs and not enough on the kickassery, of which you are clearly a master. keep up the good work.
so. men let their guts jiggle to deter other men. i'll write that down.
C,
No need! I've done it for you. Right up there. ;)
I don't mind that mr_xeno is straight and has a beer gut and likes football;But I wish he'd stop flaunting his lifestyle on Kos. In fact, I wish he'd stop everything to do with Kos.
The abs alone are enough to make me resentful and jealous.
Homer Simpson (at a Pride parade): Hey, look at those abs. They all have six packs. All I have is a keg.
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