What. The. Fuck?
In honor of the WaPo's new editorial standards, I have composed the following essay for their Sunday Outlook section:
I Am Like So Totally Gay
So I am like so totally gay. Are you wearing that? Everyone is all like, Barack Obama, and I am just so not into it. I guess he's for gay marriage or something, or maybe he's not. Chris thinks he probably has the hugest dick ever, but I'm just like, if that were true, why would he want to be president.
Some people don't like gay people and say that we shouldn't be, you know, teachers and stuff because we'll corrupt children. They're probably right. I mean, not like children children, cause that's pretty sick, but I would probably fuck a high school senior if he was hot enough. I mean, obviously some gay teachers fuck high school seniors, or they wouldn't make so many porns about it. Same for gay doctors and stuff. I mean, if you had some really hot guy and he was your patient or whatever and he was really hung, would you really say that you wouldn't go down on him? That's all I'm saying.
I have this oen friend, Joey, and he's always trying to tell me that Leonardo and some greek dudes and a bunch of other famous people were big fags too and that means that gay people should be able to do whatever we want, which I guess is true if you're like Platocrates or whoever, but I think most of us would probably rather see if any of our friends were secretly posting on xtube. Just sort of like because that naturally interests us more.
Anyway whatever. I have to get ready to go out. Billy wants to get coke or something but I'm just going to get hammered because you can still fuck when you're drunk but there's like no cure for coke dick. So like, text me if you need anything. Laters!