Tap Dat Azz

Were it not for the ability of Sir James of Ocicat to breathe the sulphurous atmosphere of celeb gossip, I wonder if I would ever have had the opportunity to read the phrase, "VALKYRIE WILL OWN YOUR ASS"? Now I have a sweet nothing to whisper to Max Mosley, should I ever find myself on a basement picnic with the gentleman. I doubt I cut a sufficiently Jean Brodie figure, however, so that'll probably never happen.

Now what interests me here is not Tom Cruise so much as Bryan Singer, whose previous Nazi film was a little dab of sunshine called Apt Pupil, based on a Stephen King short story, in which Ian McKellan was evil and Brad Renfro basically dumb and occasionally nude. You may recall that it was the lockerroom scene from that very movie that got Singer in trouble for a slightly-less-than-legal ephebophilia, and while I am not sure the long arm of the state belongs between the creeper-peepers of thirty-somethings and the boy-butts of their teenaged extras, I think that the whole episode bodes poorly for Valkyrie's filmic prospects. I mean, the joke writes itself: A Nazi, a pedophile, and a scientologist walk into a bar . . .