Thursday, April 24, 2008

you must recall, sir, when Senator Buford made that big hassle about our deterrent lacking credibility.


So I was going to say something about Hillary Clinton promising to obliterate Iran if Iran launches a nuclear assault on a nation with an actual, extant, and therefore superior nuclear arsenal, a nation with which the United States does not have any sort of de jure mutual defense pact. I was going to point out that not only is it far-fetched to presume that such an attack is in the offing, it also signifies a goofily sophistic homicidal psychosis at the heart of the American imperium, for on one hand the Iranians are supposed to be some sort of marginal, long-suffering people held down under the bitter weight and tight yoke of their cruel government oppressors, yet on the other hand, if this tyrannical, dictatorial government should engage in an act of aggression, we will kill all of the Iranian people. But you know, I think that YouTube commenter FatOgreHead covers it with greater alacrity when he avers: "I hope she gets raped by a deinonychus talon in the ass!"

81 comments:

Anonymous said...

Gee, congratulations! You've just managed to call Hillary an uppity woman who needs to get raped rather than, oh, I don't know, a genocidal warmongering torture-sponsoring imperialist. Classy. It'll be even better if you try to claim that you'd have said the same thing about a male pol.

stillnotking said...

You can call Hillary anything you want, just don't call her late to the election.

"Mrs. President, if I may speak freely, the raghead talks big, but frankly, we think he's short of know-how. I mean, you just can't expect a bunch of ignorant peons to understand a machine like some of our boys. And that's not meant as an insult, Mr. Ambassador, I mean, you, you take your average camel jockey, we all know how much guts he's got. Hell, look, look at all them them Nazis killed off and they still wouldn't quit!"

Anonymous said...

Anonymous: having swooped in, I think you don't realize that our host is an EOO (Equal Opporunity Offender).

Dr. Grant said...

In my opinion,a confrontation between deinonychus and Hillary would end unhappily for the dinosaur.

romerocker said...

Hey Anon numero uno-

It seems to me that Hillary is both.

erin4iraq said...

Wow.
Threatening to obliterate Iran takes balls. Wait...

(you think maybe that's the point?)

IOZ said...

To be fair, guys, I can see how the dinosaur would lead a person to believe that the post was literally a prescription for rape.

Anonymous said...

If they're advocating nuclear obliteration of any country, they deserve a rapin', regardless of gender.

wrongshore said...

Just because you're not a reformer doesn't mean you get to make rape jokes. Knock it off.

erin4iraq said...

Yeah IOZ, I was with you till that whole raping prescription.

stillnotking said...

This will doubtless be written off as a concern troll, but those expressing their outrage over rape jokes should be advised: said outrage registers on most readers like that annoying dashboard lamp that blinks for ten seconds every time you start your car. You see it, but you don't really see it, because a) it's expected, and b) you know it has no connection to any actual problems with your car.

IOZ said...

A pedophile and a little boy walk into the woods. The little boy says, "Mister, I'm scared!" The pedophile looks at him and says, "You're scared? I'm the one who's gotta walk back out alone."

the_system said...

What's hilarious is that had he suggested that the dinosaur merely kill her, no one would care.

Anonymous said...

How about a compromise, then: can the dinosaur just kill her with his phallus-like tail, and be done with it?

Anonymous said...

I think the existence of the long-suffering Iranian people has disappeared down the memory hole.

I agree with our host that this is yet another symptom of collective insanity, i.e. you might wish that it was Hillary but you know it's not. (Remember all the real men of 2002/3?)

Another sign of that collective insanity - anal rape jokes, usually but not always wished on prisoners to be.

LA Confidential Pantload said...

IOZ, now you've really gone too far, with this violent fantasy of heavy-breathing reptiles, large horny appendages, and former First Ladies in distress.

I realize it's all part of your contempt for anybody who would use the power of the state to defend honest Americans, whether the enemy consists of Islamonegroes or Nadersexuals. Well, just answer me one thing,Mr. Smartass: without the power of the police, who would protect you from THIS?

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN2319603620080423?feedType=RSS&feedName=oddlyEnoughNews&rpc=22&sp=true

wrongshore said...

7:06 is funny.

7:08 is correct.

You should be able to figure out why both of those things can hold, and yet it's still lame to approvingly refer to jokes that imply that the highest-profile woman in the United States, for being a reactionary turd, deserves rape.

Anonymous said...

Look, he could've recommended a Tricerotops spike up an orifice. All these folks getting upset about dino-rape need to maintain a sense of proportion.

Anyway, I've got to correct a nearly apt quote:

And that's not meant as an insult, Mr. Ambassador, I mean, you, you take your average camel jockey, we all know how much guts he's got. Hell, look, look at all them them Eye-raqis killed off and they still wouldn't quit!"
-- sglover

IOZ said...

Child sex murder, funny. Extinct animal anal violation, not funny. I'm pretty sure there's a QED in there somewhere.

I am in principle opposed to corporal and capital punishments of all sorts, and yinz can shirley read through my archives to get a fair sampling. That said, I'm going to exceed my usual competencies and recommend a policy. Although I do not believe that any person, man or woman, should be raped by a dinosaur merely for contemplating the nuclear annihilation of a people, I do think that it would be an adequate and righteous punishment for anyone who actually carried it out. Let me put it to you this way, since the gender shit confounds so many so: I advocate here and now on this blog that George W. Bush, for his crimes against the Iraqi people, should be violated by a dinosaur.

Cola Johnson said...

IOZ, it pains me that you don't get it, because until now I was fast becoming a fan. You should brush up on your feminism.

Right now, you just sound like a ignorant jerk. Frankly, I get enough "fuck-yous" from the establishment.

I'll find a funnier, less alienating corner of the internet. I'm sure you won't miss me.

incgnfcnt said...

some of you are unbelievably myopic

Aaron said...

This kind of satire always gets folks het up about the wrong thing. Was Swift a bad boy for advocating cannibalism, or what!

Anyways, the saurian anal rape scenario probably would not have come up with Obama. But then again, Obama's people aren't marketing Barackoform nutcrackers that crush almond shells between his ever-lovin thighs. The joke is definitely in poor taste, and I probably wouldn't have gone there myself. But you cain't have it both ways, ladies and germs.

As for the larger point, I've heard bunches of arguments over the years about the U.S.'s Israel fetish. You gots yer oil, your Elders of Zion, your evangelical cabal. It seems just as plausible to me at this point that Israel is simply the logical extension of America. At some point we decided that colonizing the Hawaiis and Puerto Ricos of the world was thinking too small: we needed to colonize the bible.

Anonymous said...

So a woman advocating complete genocide of a country, in addition to all the attendant nuclear fallout that would kill millions of people in neighboring countries should not have dinosaur rape wished on her then? That's what's beyond the pale to you guys? Oh yeah, I see now, fuck you IOZ! This is a slap in the face of all women, because since Hilary has a cunt, errr, I mean, beautiful lady-flower, a slight against her is a slight against her whole gender. Oh, you men! Harumph!

Seriously, fuck you people. Do you not realize how unbelievably fucked up what she's advocating is? IT'S GENOCIDE, YOU FUCKS. God, fuck you idiots.

Anonymous said...

I would like more noncontributors to spew forth disapproval over a joke about dinorape as punishment for a nuclear holocaust. It makes me laugh a ton. Gawd bless America.

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of the one funny scene in the otherwise vile "Life is Beautiful", when the proper citizens are discussing the math homework their kids are getting. The problems are something like, "20 Jews are going to be liquidated. How much Zyklon B is required if an average Jew breathes X liters per minute?" -- and of course the concerned parents cluck that the algebra's too complicated for kids at their children's level.
-- sglover

TGGP said...

Video gets a good mocking from Tiny Revolution here.

I discussed rape as punishment elsewhere. James Miller makes an argument for corporal punishment here. I dissented because it does not incapacitate.

The first time I heard the pederast joke it was instead two Irishmen executing their landlord. I expect it was originally told with a sense of pride.

Mikee said...

What 11:05 said...

Seriously, Genocide/Nuclear holocaust vs something that COULD NEVER HAPPEN, but yet conveys the depravity of the situation.

Cola you should go somewhere else, maybe post on Oprah how awful men are.

rumpleforeskin said...

It's so cool to see a classic thread being born before my eyes, the kind that regulars will be referencing for a long time.

People, the whole "dinosaur" aspect is what makes it a harmless joke. It's sort of like when the Buffalo Beast sentenced Dick Cheney to being raped by the sun for his crimes. It's so over the top that it doesn't carry the same weight as a legitimate threat. If you'd like, we can try thinking of other equally absurd scenarios until we finally find one that makes you giggle.

I'll go first: Hillary should be gang-raped by all the inhabitants of Smurf Village for threatening nuclear annihilation on the Iranian people.

obamabot said...

Here's the thing, rape is not funny. It's a very personalized crime of hate, and as such provokes a visceral reaction. It's like the difference between victims and statistics - or why people get worked up about the hundreds who have been tortured as opposed to the hundreds of thousands who have been killed in Dick and Dubya's Excellent Desert Adventure.

That said, anyone who thinks that dinosaur rape of one person is a lesser offense than nuclear holocaust of an entire country needs to have all of their neighbours, friends and family killed in a fire.

obamabot said...

whoops, I'd really appreciate it if you would imagine that I typed "greater" instead of "lesser".

Mr.Fundamental said...

lube or no lube? that is the question.

and, I was raped by my dog.

puppylander said...

i think this discussion demonstrates how little our minds can comprehend of what nuclear devastation looks and feels like.

i propose that those who believe rape to be worse should stick their hands into a roaring fire for 3 minutes... just to get a taste.

Anonymous said...

Yes!
Just when this thread threatened to get too surreal(?) mr.fundamental saves the day by linking to a classic, abusurdist drama by, arguably, the best damn website money can't buy.
And then, in the time it takes a dewd to go to the head, puppylander (how's that for irony?)
adds a postcript!
Luv the IOZ.
Luv you regulars, too.

Mike

chthulu's mom said...

Ah, poor foolish commenters. For it's plainly obvious to anyone who reads carefully enough that "rape" is meant as in "to carry away, by force" i.e. "the rape of the Sabine women." Really, how could you have misunderstood that?

As for the ass impaling, I believe that ass impaling should be an equal opportunity punishment. (We've come a long way, baby!)

Anonymous said...

As if by divine intervention, Barry Crimmins (y'all should be reading yer Barry on a regular basis if ya ain't already) provides a different bit of funny:
"If you see Joe Scarborough please beat him to death with Lou Dobbs' decapitated head. Just kidding. Sort of."

TT

IOZ said...

Classic.

Next up: IOZ suggests that Barack Obama should be enslaved by the race of shape-shifting Reptilian aliens from Atlantis. Commenters protest: Slavery is never funny!

Mr.Fundamental said...

they all it the head because it refers to the hydraulic head used to flush the bowl.

god you people are amateurs.

Ash said...

funny thread - kinda ironic though given the outrage over the Clinton threat of nuking Iran for the simple "aggression" (as IOZ referred to it) of Iran nuking Israel with the surreal hand wringing about a dinosaur rape...

...odd group of folks

IOZ said...

Brother, there is no threat of Iran nuking Israel.

Ash said...

copy that - which renders Clinton's statement crass electioneering trying to impress folks with the size of her cajones. Stoopid on her part to promise some sort of mutual defense pact for that troubled child in the ME.

Leonard said...

Classic indeed.

In a somewhat similar circumstance over at Jim Henley's (although less absurd than the pearl-clutching here), I kicked out a theory of acceptable hyperbolic invective.

IOZ said...

"Troubled child." That deserves more unpacking than a dormitory on the first day of the semester.

obamabot said...

I like to think I'm in a classic of my own.

But since B.O. is only half-black, maybe he should only be half-enslaved?

I'm not saying that the response is rational, and you're well justified in mocking it. It's just that rape is a hard thing to laugh about, even when we're talking about dinosaurs doing it.

Jonathan Versen said...

On wikipedia's front page there's a link to the article about the sunfish, which is a large(often 2000 lbs(+)) mild mannered species of fish that never attacks people deliberately.

The article notes that there has, nevertheless, been one fatality caused by human-sunfish interaction when one of them jumped out of the water onto a boat and flattened a guy. That seems like a poetic and droll way to finish off a politician.

cb said...

wrongshore wins.

The mentality behind the joke -- namely, if a woman acts improperly, rape is the proper punishment -- is odious. It should be called out as such.

Anyone familiar with the percentage of American women who undergo sexual assault should realize why rape jokes, no matter how ridiculous they are, are not funny to a sizable chunk of the population.

If you can't see what's inappropriate about making rape jokes about women (or slavery jokes about black people, for that matter), you maybe should expand your social circle beyond white male libertarians.

IOZ said...

"Acts improperly."

Hm.

El Serracho! said...

seems like you've opened a can of outrage here ioz. having been on the receiving end of pretty much identical outrage (for my referring to a male local corrupt sherrif a "cunt") i can assure you that nothing you say now will make a lick (is that misogynist?) of difference to the raging progressives.

so have at it.

chthulu's mom said...

Progressives: Protecting your right not to be raped by extinct reptiles for over a fiftieth of a century.

erin4iraq said...

Perhas the only thing left to be commented on in this post is that it's actually "FartheadOgre" who suggested said dino-rape on Youtube. Sounds like a real attractive guy.

Mr.Fundamental said...

cthulhu's mom wins. I nearly spit out my water.

stillnotking said...

I'm left, once again, with the strong impression that the relationship between progressives and "odious mentalities" is very close to the relationship between social conservatives and pornography.

Keep scouring the webs, progressives. I'm sure there's an odious mentality out there somewhere that you haven't wanked -- er, I mean denounced.

Anonymous said...

No, sorry, the_system wins the thread. The fact that one can be blase about wishing an absurd form of death on someone, but crumple into a bawling heap at the mention of the R-word, to me, is an example of giving a word or concept far too much power over you.

It's already been said, but once again: the whole thing about the giant lizard is what makes it an expression of helpless frustration rather than a serious desire to see a woman punished for "acting improperly". (And seriously, are you trying to equate wearing a short skirt with advocating the nuking of another country?) Because, if we really need to break it down like this, there's a much, much greater chance of seeing millions of Iranians vaporized by an American president than there is of a deranged employee of the Smithsonian tracking Hillary down, getting past the Secret Service, and sticking a dinosaur claw in her hoo-ha.

Anonymous said...

Yes, calling for a nuclear holocaust on an entire country is ACTING IMPROPERLY. Un-fucking-believable.

Anonymous said...

wow I'm glad I've never commented before if this the backlash our host is receiving from a harmless comment directed toward a sick twisted bitch like Hil. I would feel bad for the poor little deinonychus that had to rape her, everyone knows Hil's vagina is a vast dry sandpit with razor blades strewn about it.

-alexi de sadesky

Anonymous said...

wow I'm glad I've never commented before if this the backlash our host is receiving from a harmless comment directed toward a sick twisted bitch like Hil. I would feel bad for the poor little deinonychus that had to rape her, everyone knows Hil's vagina is a vast dry sandpit with razor blades strewn about it.

-alexi de sadesky

paolaccio said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Culture Ghost said...

I'm sending a job application to the Smithsonian.

cb said...

Because, if we really need to break it down like this, there's a much, much greater chance of seeing millions of Iranians vaporized by an American president than there is of a deranged employee of the Smithsonian tracking Hillary down, getting past the Secret Service, and sticking a dinosaur claw in her hoo-ha.
Funny and well said. Kudos!

But, I don't actually think a dinosaur is going to rape Hillary. However, wishing rape on a woman (even as a joke scenario that could never happen) does foster an environment that condones sexual violence as a means to keep women in line. And that's not cool.

Look a few comments below you (2:53 pm) and feel proud. That's the crew you're rolling with.

Anonymous said...

doood its a joke. smoke a joint and refuckinlax. wound tighter than a veloca raptor

-alexi de sadesky (2:53)

John O said...

Hilarious comments to an otherwise typically funny, smart post.

I'm just not an intellectual, I guess. It never crossed my mind that IOZ was suggesting Hillary should be raped by a dinosaur in any context other than teh funny.

And if she exterminates a zillion Iranians in her quest to show how tough she is, what IS the call?

Me, I support and defend MAD. I don't see any evidence that one of the oldest cultures in the world is suicidal. But I'm nutty that way.

I'm far more realpolitik than IOZ, but in terms of fantasy politics, he's got my ass kicked 'round the block.

(Caveat: My position is largely based on the assumption that the planet simply cannot nor will not support the population it has now. Mother Nature and God, if that's your preference (mine would be "natural balance") will work things out regardless of what we think.)

Talk about a tempest in a teacup! This is funny shit.

stephanie g said...

Can we get a dead baby joke in here somewhere? Or maybe a video of a heavily pregnant woman falling down a staircase with Benny Hill music.

Tony of AntiSocial Commentary said...

I've talked to Jimmy Carter to see if he can broker a peace between the dino-rape-joke-haters the dino-rape-joke-apologists.

Jimmy suggests that we retool the joke.

Instead of being raped by a dinosaur, could Ms. Clinton be imginarily raped by a mythical creature? Mr. Carter suggests a griffin. (You see, even though dinosaurs are extinct, there is a remote possibility that a living dinosaur could be cloned, and as we all know EVERY MALE dinosaur is a potential rapist.)

Secondly, could we add a layer to the joke indicating that after the act of griffin-rape, Ms. Clinton would then learn kung fu and marksmanship (excuse me, marksWOmanship) and track down the griffin? Then, there could be a really kick-ass battle scene. The writers are still kicking around the idea of whether kung fu gun Hillary Clinton would stumble upon the griffin while he is sipping a cup of high-end coffee, OR if kung fu gun Hillary Clinton would happen upon the griffin as he was preparing to rape someone else!

We're looking at Ellen Page or Anna Paquin as Griffin Rape Victim #2, but there are no offers on the table so far. There's a small chance -- FINGERS CROSSED -- that we might get Miley Cyrus, but I don't even want to think about that. We've made some overtures, and we've had a few lunches, and let me tell you: That kid is no dummy.

She knows that she's going to have to break out of this hypersexualized 14-year-old character mold that she's been shoe-horned into. I mean, Disney's not gonna keep her around forever, especially when she stops hiding the cigarettes and the booze. (I mean, look how they dumped Lindsay Lohan.)

Anyway, I got off track here.

Jimmy also suggested that, even though Obama didn't make overtures about killing a good chunk of the Earth's population, he should be included in a third scenario within the joke. Perhaps he could be castrated by female hobbit, or urinated upon by a unicorn. It's only fair.

Oh, and the griffin must also recognize Israel.

Anonymous said...

"Hey Tony, what's your act called?"


"Why . . . The Aristocrats!!"

glutz78 said...

I agree with this post. I'm always stunned at how easy it is to scare the US public. We spend half a trillion dollars on defense (offense) each year. Iran spends about a dollar fifty. We are occupying the 2 countries that Iran borders. Iran has never invaded another nation. Yet we are scared shitless of them. It's comical. It's the elephant running from the mouse. The misinformation campaign barely has to try at all either.

I will vote for Barack Obama - he's the only halfway rational candidate that will realistically ever get elected President.

The Culture Ghost said...

That's a noble sentiment, glutz78, but right now we're casting for the part of the deinonychus talon for the upcoming video of the Dino-Hillary joke. Do you have any acting experience?

And what's your hat size?

stillnotking said...

However, wishing rape on a woman (even as a joke scenario that could never happen) does foster an environment that condones sexual violence as a means to keep women in line.

You know this is crap, right? In rare cases a man may use rape as a tool to oppress a particular woman that he's living with, or to inflict shame on a woman he sees as an enemy, but the vast majority of rapes are simply sex crimes.

I'm constantly amused by the attempted transformation of rape from a sex crime to some sort of violent ideological statement. Next you'll be telling us that people rob banks in order to demonstrate the flawed nature of capitalism.

And by the way, there are a lot of men in prison who could testify to the fact that our culture doesn't "condone sexual violence".

Anonymous said...

"Next you'll be telling us that people rob banks in order to demonstrate the flawed nature of capitalism"

HA! brilliant sire

-alexi de sadesky

Anonymous said...


You know this is crap, right? In rare cases a man may use rape as a tool to oppress a particular woman that he's living with, or to inflict shame on a woman he sees as an enemy, but the vast majority of rapes are simply sex crimes.


Bullshit. "Simply sex crimes" are usually about people's attitudes to gender and power, as anyone who knows anything about the subject will tell you. The anthology "Acquaintance and Date Rape" ed. Sally Ward and "Fraternity Gang Rape" by Peggy Sanday are a good start for anyone who's actually interested in the subject.

And who the fuck said rape was worse than nuclear holocaust? You should be flattered, IOZ: you have an army of fools willing to thwack away at straw-feminazis on your behalf.

Also, to the person who made that silly comment about "odious mentalities": hate to state the obvious, but "odious mentalities" have a well-documented tendency to lead to odious actions.

Anonymous said...


And by the way, there are a lot of men in prison who could testify to the fact that our culture doesn't "condone sexual violence".


This is fucking hilarious, not just because rape is one of the most under-convicted and underreported crimes, but also because men in prison are quite likely to be raped with total impunity if they're at all effeminate-seeming.

Anonymous said...

"Also, to the person who made that silly comment about "odious mentalities": hate to state the obvious, but "odious mentalities" have a well-documented tendency to lead to odious actions."

Thought crime!

stillnotking said...

"Simply sex crimes" are usually about people's attitudes to gender and power, as anyone who knows anything about the subject will tell you. The anthology "Acquaintance and Date Rape" ed. Sally Ward and "Fraternity Gang Rape" by Peggy Sanday are a good start for anyone who's actually interested in the subject.

I'd recommend A Natural History of Rape by Thornhill and Palmer, as a scientific analysis unencumbered by ideology.

You've moved the goal posts, sir or madam. First you said rape was designed to "keep women in line". Now you say rape "is about people's attitudes to gender and power". Which is it? Those are two very different claims. I don't doubt that rapists have different attitudes to gender (i.e. they don't like women), but that is a far cry from saying that they rape women to keep them in line. What's the main reason they don't like women? Probably that they can't get laid.

Which brings us to the most damning argument against the "keep women in line" theory. Almost all rapists are socially marginal men -- losers, in the vernacular. If men have such an urge to keep women in line, why isn't it the powerful men doing the raping? They'd have a great deal more to gain from it than some tattooed, jobless ex-con who's not exactly "in line" himself.

No. Powerful men don't rape because, like Elliot Spitzer, they don't need to. Women screw them for money or status or just because they're more attractive. Losers rape because it's the only way they can get any nookie.

men in prison are quite likely to be raped with total impunity if they're at all effeminate-seeming

Yeah, because there are no women around. Put women in the general population and the problem of male-male rape would disappear (to be replaced by a much larger male-female rape problem, of course).

stillnotking said...

"Also, to the person who made that silly comment about "odious mentalities": hate to state the obvious, but "odious mentalities" have a well-documented tendency to lead to odious actions."

Thought crime!


That's very... liberal of you. I hope you're just yanking our chain.

Mr.Fundamental said...

sometimes I wish Mrs.Fun would tear off my clothes and force me to do things.

sigh.

IOZ said...

How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it's head.

Stephanie always comes through.

Anonymous said...

"That's very... liberal of you. I hope you're just yanking our chain."

To a certain extent, but aside from that I also wanted to represent the argument that odious mentalities also have a high tendency of leading to absolutely fuck-all, which, when considered, makes anon seem, shall we say, a bit too concerned with prevention.

puppylander said...

i disagree that the dino aspect of the comment disqualifies "rape" from being objectionable.

at the same time, i'm finding it hard to imagine any respondent here who would object to "i hope adolf hitler gets raped by a deinonychus talon in the ass!"

and yet, turning in on itself again, we might consider that while rape is less retributive than holocaust, rape in this context is still retributive, punitive, retaliatory. and isn't that objectionable? isn't retribution itself objectionable?

well, none of you are the dalai lama... that much is clear.

Dalai Lama said...

Speak for yourself, choadmonger.

puppylander said...

*snort* i had to look up that word. it's a good one.

i'm kinda wondering if that's a word the dalai lama would use, given his views on homosexuality.

Anonymous said...

LOL heartily and in retrospect at Dude positing some rape apologia is "unencumbered by ideology."

time traveling demize! said...

This blog "fosters the environment where".

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