Dasvidanya!

OMGLOLWTFLMAO. Dear semisweet chocolate Jesus, this is truly the greatest election season ever. Senator Senility is going to drop out of the debate, the Democrat who sprang fully-formed, clad in helm and shield, from the forehead of Dave Eggers is going to do one-on-one questioning with Jiiiiihhhhhhhhhm Leeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhrreeerrrr, and the vice-presidential debate is going to be relaced with a televised duel, with Palin and Biden respectively choosing their spirit animal (Moose and Squirrel) as Seconds.

Imagine if you are Vladimir Putin. You do not drink or smoke, and aside from occasionally fucking your gymnast nymphette into catatonic submission while a 10,000 piece orchestra plays Gimn Sovetskogo Soyuza outside your window, you do not carouse. Your life is occupied with grim, atavistic fantasies, which are just now coming to fruition, and as you nurse your bloody dreams in the Siberian expanses of your glittering, Satanic soul, you flip on the teevee and see the only force on earth with any capacity to foil or retard your ambitions rapidly consuming itself in an orgy of abject ridiculousness, a Marx-brothers comedy of political ineptitude so baroque in its Vaudevillian slapstick that it melts, for just one moment, the crimson popsicle that is your KGB heart and from your mouth, for the first time since you traded your soul for life eternal and a thirst for blood one thousand years ago, you let out one brief, delicious: Ha!