The other day my crazy dittohead great-aunt explained to me that America was primed for a race war whether Barack Hussein Obama won or lost. I asked her which side she thought he'd pick, and she looked at me like I was crazy. I told her that depending on league in-season trade rules, I'd probably unload him to the blacks in exchange for Tiger and Lenny Kravitz. This completely befuddled her. A race war. D.L. Hughley and Jon Steward fighting to the death in the streets.