Gus Hall for President

What the fuck is a communist, anyway? In the waning days of the election season, the McCain campaign's internal chronometer seems to have reset itself to 1976. I suppose there are the Chinese, but really, nearly 20 years after the wall came down, do Americans even remember communism? In the absence of high-stepping military parades and batteries of Russian missiles on parade through the grim streets of Moscow, is the charge even meaningful? I keep seeing these McCain commercials that ominously intone: Barack Obama wants to spread the wealth. Obama's already spent a quintillion bajillion gamillion dollars advertising in PA. Why would McCain give him another free spot? Maybe he ought to accuse Obama of planning to ship all the intellectuals off to collective farms to grow corn for all that subsidized ethanol he supposedly opposes.

This while the sitting Republican President looks more like Brezhnev than Reagan, attending the Olympics and international talks while industry tanks at home. We just nationalized our banking system, and the government may yet effectively transform GM into VAZ. But Obama's gonna tinker with the income tax rate--Red! Whatever. One eagerly awaits George W. Bush's final, post-stroke press conference on the White House lawn, chest waited [uh] weighted down with meaningless medals, eyes hazy, speech unsteady, hands trembling. If McCain really wanted to win, he'd start calling Obama a capitalist stooge and himself propose to usher in the dictatorship of Joes the Plumbers.