Thursday, November 20, 2008

No One Comes to the Father but on Me


So Allegheny County currently has this law that prohibits "sex offenders" from living within a half an Astronomic Unit of any substantial planetary body, condemning them to drift forever somewhere out beyond Pluto, and the child-sex-rapist-loving ACLU is all like, Hey, guys, uh, this is not really an efficacious way of protecting the Children Who Are Our Future, and also, it probably violates the civil rights of ex-convicts. Parents everywhere shout, To hell with you and your arguments and statistical evidence and your crazy contention that most sexual abuse is perpetrated by relatives and other known, trusted adults. That's just crazy talk! Everyone knows that it is only shiftless drifters in windowless vans who mess with children.

Posted by IOZ at 12:00 PM | email »
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27 comments:

alansmithee said...

It must be true! I saw it on TV!

12:27 PM
Agi said...

And people wonder why I used to hate going into the confessional booth...

12:42 PM
Anonymous said...

I'm reminded of some sprightly verse by the bard Al Jourgensen:

The body of Christ comes on to thee
A preacher with cock in his hand
He wants you to suck on the holy ghost
And swallow the sins of man

1:23 PM
nikkos said...

"Everyone knows that it is only shiftless drifters in windowless vans who mess with children."

And the gays! We musn't forget the gays.

1:52 PM
Ashley said...

And the gays! We musn't forget the gays.

Well, it goes without saying. Being gay is the chief gateway sin. Haven't you noticed the steep decline in pederasty and cannibalism since California cleaned house. Though they do seem to have some trouble cleaning underbrush out there. Lots of burning bushes taking away the homes of those living in trailers. Probably they're the ones who are the most gay. I mean gay + mobile home just goes together, right? Can I get an "Amen?"

3:26 PM
Inkberrow said...

Amen, IOZ---since these residential limitations for sex offenders can't hope to alleviate more than part of the problem---that of the neighborhood groomer-predator---they should be scrapped altogether. By the same powerful logic we can safely dispense with HeadStart, food banks, and recycling efforts as well.

Nikkos and Ashley---no worries. Stats depend on the normative agenda of the compiler. Remember how Sammy Sosa, Felipe Alou, et al, were suddenly deemed to be "Not Black" for purposes of the latest "Baseball Is Racist" hitpiece in SI or whatever? Same with gays and molestation. If a fellow was married for twenty years with two kids, then came out at age 45, he was Gay All Along for purposes of gay advocacy statistics, encounter group potluck socials, and appearances on Oprah. If he was married for twenty years with two kids, came out at 45, then molested a twelve year-old boy at 46, he was a Troubled Heterosexual All Along.

3:50 PM
Mr.Fundamental said...

oh noes! not recycling! whatarewegonnadooo?!

3:58 PM
IOZ said...

Well, we can safely dispense with Head Start, food banks, and recycling. You may have made a wrong turn somewhere. To get to Hullabaloo, you're going to want to go down three lights, hang a right, hand a left, go past the elementary school, click your heels together three times, and loiter suspiciously beside a playground.

4:11 PM
Mr.Fundamental said...

if I've ever made a correct turn, it was by accident, I swear. I'm trying really really hard (or badly) to fuck my life up. I figure I gotta perfect being wrong before I go and get good at being right. correct. whatever. why am I still here?

4:20 PM
MandT said...

Creepy drag....

4:49 PM
Brian said...

Ioz: No... I see Mr, Inkbarrow as more of a National Review Online type.

To get there, find the deepest, dankest slum in your City, strip naked, start screaming about The Lord, then follow the first fat, bow-tied office drone who rogers you.

5:00 PM
Abidemi said...

Half an AU still leaves some prime trailer park real estate between Mars and Ceres.

5:20 PM
Mr.Fundamental said...

lol. sorry.

5:35 PM
Anonymous said...

Hey, Fundy, why are you such a boring bastard? Can you work on that? I don't have time to waste on your subpar ramblings.

5:52 PM
Brian said...

Anonymous 5:52: Blawg!

6:22 PM
Mr.Fundamental said...

lol. thanks for reading.

7:13 PM
Anonymous said...

I mean gay + mobile home just goes together, right?

Wh ... wha ... WHAT?!

[shiver[

Let's see, though, to stay on topic, I guess one should point out that it's probably precisely that you wouldn't think of it that the nefarious gheys actually do it. Nobody suspects them of living in the trailer, so of course it's the perfect place for them to go to ground!

The obvious conclusion is, burn the trailers!

Oh, the irony...

7:38 PM
Inkberrow said...

Brian---

Don't doubt for a New York minute that this is a safe, nurturing environment, if you should need to talk further about a) what happened to you, b) what you did, or c) the auspices of your unwholesome fantasies.

It wasn't clear from your post which one(s) applies, nor how the National Review and an old paleocon like me are relevant to your healing process.

7:56 PM
Brian said...

Well, kind sir. a) and b) don't apply, and doesn't c) apply to all of us?

8:09 PM
Anonymous said...

'Inkberrow': you know, trolling here is kinda redundant.

8:49 PM
Anonymous said...

I'm hoping Inkberrow stays on. I see serious hilarity, um, in every episode of this new season.
-- sglover

9:48 PM
IOZ said...

I love hosting a party where everyone brings his own petard.

7:51 AM
Inkberrow said...

Anon @ 8:49; sglover; (IOZ(?)

What exactly do you mean by "trolling"? That's been levelled at me here a few times over the last year or two. Are you positing insincerity? Lack of substance, however sincere? Is "trolling" the negative emanation of "gladhanding", which, I assume, is not disapproved?

If I am indeed a "troll" by this blog's definition, I will reluctantly refrain from posting comments, or, if it's just a label with no real impact on the Blog's Progress, continue on as Inkberrow the Troll.

11:12 AM
Mr.Fundamental said...

it's all good, Inkberrow. even if you are a troll, you're being trolled by Monsieur.

11:50 AM
Anonymous said...

Forget it, Fundy, you're out of your element.

3:44 PM
Anonymous said...

On the other hand, you know what they say: "Once a child-sex-rapist, always a child-sex-rapist."

3:57 PM
MandT said...

Who eats Trailer Tots?

4:52 PM

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