Somewhere in Time

One thing you may notice, if you’ve listened to the Coast to Coast AM radio program late at night while driving across the desert for no reason, is that it’s not spooky or entertaining at all in the daylight, sitting at your desk. It is just some delusional rednecks on a scratchy phone line, and Art Bell sounds as bored as a traffic-school instructor.

-Ken Layne at Wonkette

This is so totally true, but on the other hand, getting abducted by aliens is pretty boring in the daylight too, all like, Yo, guys, um, no need for the halogen hi-beams at 2 in the afternoon, you know? You ever see a Bigfoot during the day? They're kind of funny when they rub their asses against a tree, but that's about it.

Art Bell actually is something akin to a traffic-school instructor. Not just the boredom. He wants to get it over with, and he'd prefer to pass you, and he probably will unless you really, really, really fuck up. He blandly reminds the loonies to make a modicum of sense, and is pretty good at it. Most of the time they don't descend into incoherence, which is more than you can say for the guests of, oh, Michael Savage, even if the Weiner is a way-better host overall.

Anyway, George Noory hosts now, except for special episodes, so, like, whatever.