Tuesday, August 18, 2009

An Honorable Man

Robert Novak, an authentic American monster, is dead. May all good people spit three times. Most of what he believed was wrong. He was unkind and uncharitable. He was also a real reporter once, when we had reporters, before the colleges got hold of them. He was a grouch. He was mean. He was a white man with a sports-car complex, poor bastard. Like so many monsters, he was a Catholic. Unlike them, he came by it honestly, which is to say, through conversion. I always kind of liked the guy. He was a genuine crab. I would've drunk scotch with him, and I wouldn't have felt badly if I woke in the morning with a bandaged hand and no memory of punching him in the face. They don't make them like Bob anymore. Properly considered, he was the conservative answer to Hunter S. Thompson, who was himself a mad sort of conservative, or, at least, gun-happy. They would've liked each other, I suspect. Good night, sweet prince.

18 comments:

Oscar said...

Did Bob like to get freaky?

kali yuga said...

"Properly considered, he was the conservative answer to Hunter S. Thompson"

Uh, no.

IOZ said...

Uh, yes. You know, Thompson wrote about more than huffing ether at Circus Circus, and Novak wrote about more than Valerie Plame.

Anonymous said...

A world without the spiritual hunger of the black prince is a world in need. Who will Satan send to us next? OMG I am so excited!!

How many times do you think he screwed Nixon's aide before he married her? (I guess 0.5 times.)

Inkberrow said...

Wherever one stands on Novak the journo---stalwart sentinel or toxic muckraker?---his little-known personal life informs a thorough assessment. Novak was a avid bowler, improv performer, and collector of NASCAR memorabilia, especially relative to his old friend the King, Richard Petty. He credited his post-Evans second career to a Mastery Weekend in Antigua with Tony Robbins, where Novak finally grokked NLP and became Robbins' sometime lover. He enjoyed volunteering as Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny at his local Boys & Girls Club.

That said, it is difficult to efface the terrible scandal of Plamegate, which as we all know turned out to have a far greater reach than initially feared. The human factor carries the day, moreover, as well it should, and Novak's printed perfidy drew a whole new degree of unwanted attention to Cufflinked Joe Wilson's well-received anecdotes at Georgetown cocktail parties about his wife's secret in-cubicle assignments down the road at Langley. Novak should rot in hell for the 4.8% increase in personal danger to Valerie Plame his actions caused. These days the Plames are struggling to get by on their federal pensions plus 25 to 50K appearance fees at liberal-arts college tent-revivals, even as Val battles the temptation to play herself in the forthcoming docudrama about her ordeal.

AlanSmithee said...

Now you fellas have said some pretty mean things. Some of which were true. He was a thief, and a terrorist. On the other hand he had a tremendous singing voice...

David Gross said...

I had pretty much no opinion of Novak until shortly before the 2004 election when he published an op-ed in which he revealed that he had it direct from inside sources that the Bush administration had a secret plan that would end the war in Iraq and bring all the troops home within a few months.

Vietnam-era retread bullshit deadpanned shamelessly.

Then I formed an opinion: just another turd floating in the pundit bowl.

scythia said...

Uh, yes. You know, Thompson wrote about more than huffing ether at Circus Circus, and Novak wrote about more than Valerie Plame.

Uh, no. One of the many topics HST wrote about was his relations with other journalists, especially outside the context of work. I don't recall him ever mentioning chilling with Novak, despite the fact that they were contemporaries for thirty-odd years.

But, in fairness to you, IOZ:

1) They were both journalists.
2) They were both white.
3) They were both men.
4) ...

IOZ said...

Scythia, you're out of your element.

In fairness to you, the conditional is hard.

Oscar said...

I can see Doc firing a chrome finish Colt Python at a giant humanoid rabbit running around on the hillside next to his Woody Creek home while yelling something insulting about George Bush (either one of them).

Thompson once spray painted 'Fuck the Pope' on the side of someone's yacht so perhaps they wouldn't have got on, depending on how seriously Bob treated his religion.

Anonymous said...

i was unaware that HST had reached incomparable status.

JRB said...

A genuine crab!

Anonymous said...

Playing one side against the other, in bed with everybody - just fabulous stuff.

Kafka said...

Petulant baby running off the set...and that classy hit and run. And although I may be making this up in my own head, I seem to remember him promoting the shit out of a couple supposedly big scoops- and then....nothing.

Now I'm thinking, what will people remember about me when I die. Then I remember that it doesn't matter because they'll be dead too...

Dunc said...

What, all of them? You got somekind of doomsday device wired to a deadman switch, or are you just a hermit?

ran said...

I agree with the punching him in the face part, though not for outing Valerie Plame.

out all those CIA motherfuckers please.

Kafka said...

Dunc,

eventually, they'll be dead too

Although, "they'll be dead too" sort of means the same thing if you look at it in an English as second language kind of way.

I do like the scene in The Departed when Nickolson asks a guy how his elderly mother is and the guy says she's on the way out- and Nicholson says "Aren't we all. Act accordingly"

Anonymous said...

Thompson was a brilliant prose stylist. Novak wrote perfectly serviceable but unremarkable prose. So there is that, which as we discussing writers seems a rather important distinction.