WASHINGTON - The Obama administration will largely retain Bush era airline safety policies, the White House announced. Officials explained that these old policies were necessary to protect the future from the threats of the past.
"Everything that is currently happening will immediately reach a state of having happened," said Press Secretary Robert Gibbs. "Therefore, it is in our vital interest."
In a statement released later in the day, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano said that "in an increasingly legal world, we need to take every lawful illegal step possible to ensure that action is taken."
The civil liberties community gesticulated and made several sounds indicating frustration.
However, administration officials remained committed. "Obviously it is impossible to wage cyberwar against the United States from outside of the United States," said a spokesman. "But if you can get a laptop physically inside of American borders, all bets are off."
The Internet could not be reached for comment by press time.