The Parable of the Table

Once there was a table.

It was neither a very big table nor a very small table, but a middle table, with a table top and four strong legs and an extension that was in the basement honey, I swear, because remember we used it the last time your parents were in town at Thanksgiving? Oh, it was a fine table, and upon that table were all the options.

"Oh my!" exclaimed the Princess. "There are so many options on the table!"

"Yes," said the Tea Kettle. "All of the options are on the table."

"Let's count the options!" cried the Hippogatorypus. Oh, the Hippogatorypus!

"Yes," said the Princess, "It will be splendid!"

"But first we should have a masquerade ball," said the Parakeet.

"Oh, yes!" said the China Cabinet.

And so they had a ball, and all of the people in the land were invited, and each of them wore their finest costume. The Bird dressed up as a sailboat and the Rat dressed up as a cobbler and the Cobbler dressed up as George Noory, the host of Coast to Coast AM.

"Oh my goodness," said the Princess, "I love the Wild Card Line!"

But the Chauffeur's daughter was too poor and so Audrey Hepburn played her with a classic mix of ingenue's naivete and knows-what-she-wants pizazz.

They danced the night away.

When she awoke in the morning, the Princess cried, "We forgot to count the options on the table!"

And the frog said, "I'm sure they're all there."

And it was still hot.