Thursday, November 12, 2009

The Peace Race

Lee-loo. Multipass.

-The Fifth Element
I like that The Obama's "four options" for Afghanistan are all the same option. I like the fact that he has bravely rejected any of the final four options in favor of finding a "compromise," a "hybrid." A fifth option? Barack Obama is calling audibles, yo. He's runnin' the wildcat offense! He's in the empty set. It's a reverse double onside punt fake kick passing lateral play.

These "classified cables" are a pretty hilarious shell game, too, aren't they? Uh, cables? What, uh, what year is this? "Hullo, Op'ratr? I need you to place a call to KLondike 1-2345! On the double! And Op,ratr, make sure you get off the line!"

I like that this man was the putative peace candidate.

28 comments:

Aaron said...

Re cables, it seems they are actually still using them, through not for long. Re classified, it is pretty funny when these things get "leaked" immediately. Who knows what the message really said. Go Bears? As for the rest of it, not sure why you are so convinced Obama wants to stay. I think the guy's a craven dog-fart, but for obvious bottom-line fiscal reasons he needs to downsize this failing corporate division. Saving GM is one thing, saving Karzai another, don't you think?

IOZ said...

Aaron - I will lay money on no fewer than 20K additional troops with no, uh, sunset clause.

Leonard said...

The putative peace candidate? I'll have you know that the man is a certified man of peace. If a Nobel Peace Prize winner is not a certified man of peace, who is?

Or should that be "peace"?

The Medium Lobster said...

And I suppose that you, sir, would prefer the presidency of John McCain. Or Sarah Palin. Or Hitler!

Mr.Fundamental said...

man, I miss Gus Hall.

Justin said...

The wildcat is bullshit, mang!

El Serracho! said...

mr fun, there's always 2012... or maybe, since he's dead and all, we can run him a year early.

Michael Dawson said...

I'm sure Obie can get Madame Nhu to talk some sense into Hamid. If not, Ob can handle his qualms in the manner JFK did on 11/2/63.

As to wagers, I'm taking 25,000, with the same sunset clause we have in Iraq. "15 minutes could save you up to 15 percent or more on car insurance." "As soon as conditions are met, we'll withdraw up to most of our troops..."

Aaron said...

Hmm. Assuming that the utter hopelessness of the mission is as obvious to the White House as to the residents of every other building in the known universe, I would guess that Obama's objective at this point is simply to make sure Bush is known as the guy who lost Afghanistan. That might or might not suggest an escalation, but with a sunset clause.

So just for the hell of it, I'll take the bet. A dollar even odds?

Enron said...

"The most modest option calls for deploying an additional 10,000 to 15,000 troops. While under consideration at the White House, the proposal holds little merit for military planners because, after building bases to accommodate 10,000 or so additional soldiers and Marines, the marginal cost of adding troops beyond that figure would rise only slightly." If you build it, they will come.

Anonymous said...

Obama's not handling the money, driving the car and talking on the phone all at the same time.

Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy said...

Lest anyone dial the wrong number, please note that the correct exchange is "KLondike 5."

LA Confidential Pantload said...

Fuck it - I'll see your 25K and raise. 30K at least, with a promise to review troop levels in 2013.

IOZ said...

Regrettably, it's true, standards have fallen in adult entertainment. It's video, Dude. Now that we're competing with the amateurs, we can't afford to invest that little extra in story, production value. Feeling.

Aaron said...

Coward.

Inspector Lee said...

Do it for the Gipper.

john flory said...

Favorite detail: our ambassador in Afghanistan was a military officer until the day before he became a diplomat. All your base are belong to us! Imagine appointing some fucking pussy diplomat to a diplomatic post. Fortunately, we have balls of iron, especially when dealing with the wogs.

These dudes should just give up the make-believe, and start carrying riding crops. And wearing jodhpurs. And their native bearers should carry them around Kabul while they mutter darkly about the quality of the cocktails at the British Club.

And then one day an elephant goes crazy, down in the village...

john flory said...

Second favorite detail: the ambassador's cables upset Herr Field Marshal McChrystal.

The nerve of the Ministry of State, opining on the management of the woggery. Bit of the old boot is what these people need -- the striped-pants types just don't get it.

AlanSmithee said...

Wait, did IOZ just quote a movie that isn't "The Big Lebowski" or "Dr. Strangelove"? My entire concept of reality it shattered!

Shattered, I tell you!

annie oakley said...

Clearly, the fifth option is to ignore the problem and hope it goes away. Or becomes REALLY BIG and then he won't have to justify the need to bomb the country into oblivion. Yep, I bet that's the plan.

Christopher said...

"The President believes that we need to make clear to the Afghan government that our commitment is not open-ended," the statement said. "After years of substantial investments by the American people, governance in Afghanistan must improve in a reasonable period of time."

You aren't doing a good enough job fixing the stuff we broke! Do you know how expensive the bombs we're dropping on you are!?

I'm SO happy to see we've expanded that disgusting logic from Iraq and now we can apply it in Afghanistan.

I'd like to think that it's some kind of sign we're gearing up to get out in a way that won't fuck up our delicate self-image, but we've been saying that shit for years. It's just an ugly little brain fart that has no point beyond demonizing our victims.

Fuckers.

johann flory with an umlaut or something said...

The Afghans are a little people, a silly people, greedy, barbarous, and cruel.

Anonymous said...

So when is it our turn to get liberated

Gridlock said...

Wouldn't it be cheaper to ship Afghans out than more troops in?

Dunc said...

Assuming that the utter hopelessness of the mission is as obvious to the White House as to the residents of every other building in the known universe

Dodgy assumption. The guys at the top are always the last to realise just how fucked things are.

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