Phi Beta Sucka

Among the soi-disant sensibles of foreign policy jawboneration, you often find imponderables like Anne Applebaum's, in which she laments-without-lamenting that other major economic powers in the world refuse to act--that is the operative word, by the way, and it will appear again--like America's little fraternity brothers. Her worries are couched in the transparently false and wholly implausible claim that "America no longer wants to be the sole superpower. The American president no longer wants to be the leader of a sole superpower. Nobody else wants America to be the sole superpower, and, in fact, America cannot even afford to be the sole superpower." Well, perhaps we cannot even afford it, but even that's debatable given the willingness of others to bankroll our misendeavors. Failure to invade is the general diagnosis, and that's understandable. The only empires to earn the 20th-century designation, superpower, were the US and the USSR, and both were fond of blowing shit up and dictating to lesser powers just precisely what it was that they could do with their independence.

But that was then and this is now and water is water and east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. We find Applebaum, in response to the EU naming a couple of apparently compentent but unknown (relatively) technocratic types to major posts, avering:

Europe might have a new phone number, but when Obama calls, the person on the other end of the line will still be unable to act. "Europe" will not be a unified entity capable of coordinating a unified policy in Iran, North Korea, Afghanistan, the Middle East, or anywhere else anytime soon. Europe cannot, in short, become America's full partner in foreign policy.

There's that pesky word again. But act how, precisely? In what capacity? This is even leaving aside any question of why a sane person or self-interested national entity would ever be anyone's full partner. Exit, Washington's ghost. "Europe" is a partially politically integrated economic union that has yet to quite work out a Supremancy Clause, but even when it does, that is no guarantee that will choose to join us in barelling around the china shop.

Speaking of China, it equally befuddles Anne:

Europe, when counted as a single entity, is still the world's largest economy. China, whatever else it might be, is still the world's fastest-growing economy. Sooner or later, the simple need to defend their economic interests might persuade one or both to start taking the outside world more seriously.

If you're not killing them, deposing their governments, or occupying their countries, you're not taking them seriously. In defense of its economic interests, China has made economic partnerships. This is evidently working out in China's favor. (Incidentally, it also seems to be working out in Africa's favor, far more so than the more pious, less remunerative lectures from the so-called West.) Applebaum finds that "China appears uninterested in joining an international campaign against terrorism, nuclear proliferation, or anything else." Yeah, and it won't sign our petition to expand casual Fridays to the Thursday prior when the Friday is a Federal holiday that the office has off either! It won't invest in this promising swampland with me! It said that this thin and poorly-documented prospectus promising 20% annual returns looked too good to be true! It seemed like it hesitated when I asked if this dress makes my ass look fat!