The War on Christmas, Gameday Diagrams

You may be unaware, but I am something of an amateur military historian. I have taken the liberty of sketching out the decisive battle in the War on Christmas, showing how the vast numerical superiority of The Christians was overcome by poor battlefield selection and the inferior manueverability of their heavy troops compared to the combined cavalry and light, swift infantry of Secular Islamofascism and the Liberal Jews.

The Christians, believing their tremendous troop strength gave them an unbeatable edge, chose to array themselves on the narrow plain between the Santa Claus River and the Black Friday Forest. It was their theory that a more or less direct frontal assault on the forces of Secular Islamofascism would quickly smash the opposing lines. They were not concerned with the Liberal Jews, who were camped on the far side of the swift river and in any case on the wrong side of the treacherous marshes of Hanukkah.



However, dissension in The Christian's ranks ultimately split their forces. While forces under Protestant Command advanced in a direct line, the Catholic Generals wheeled to their left, hoping to take The Secular Islamofascists right flank.

The Liberal Jews quietly advanced to the bow in the Santa Claus river and risked a dangerous ford, still unnoticed by The Christians.



As Protestant forces assailed the Secular Islamofascist front lines, the right flank of Secular Islamofascism moved swiftly to outflank the Catholic armies on their left. At the same time, the Liberal Jews were already familiar with the deceptive landscape of the Hanukkah marshes and were able to cut a swift path, emerging to attack The Christians weak rearguard. Those Secular Islamofascist forces under direct attack, meanwhile, bravely held the line.



The Christian rearguard was rolled up, throwing their armies into disarray, as the quick flanking maneuver of the Secular Islamofascists had also driven back the Catholic left. Thus The Christians collided with themselves on the center of the field and in the confusion were thoroughly routed.



Only a small Christian force was able to flee back toward the forest.