Ah-ha ha ha ha, ho ho ho ho, ha hahahahhahaha. Oh, Jesus. Oh, Lord. OMG. WTF. This is . . . this is . . . oh aha ha ha oh oh oh. Someone dry mah eyes!
By far, by far the best part is when he says, "True story." Lurlz! Let me tell you, my grandfather owned a bar, and I am a drinkin' man, and I can tell you, mister, what "true story!" means!