Who Is IOZ?: Hosni Minibarack

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Hosni Minibarack

When I was in Cairo during the Egyptian uprising, I wanted to change hotels one day to be closer to the action and called the Marriott to see if it had any openings.

-Friedman

You don't need to follow the link, nor read the article. I propose to you that this single sentence contains within it, quite unintentionally, all the woes of the empire, all of its grim and hysterical mispprehensions about the world.

54 comments:

Gene S. Dio said...: I'm no expert in international affairs, but I did say at a Holiday Inn last night.; 11:20 AM
Professor Coldheart said...: If you picture Tommy Friedman as an unreliable narrator touring a decaying planetary hegemony - a la Gene Wolfe's Book of the New Sun, about which I can't say enough good things - his columns become even more entertaining. Even more, I say.; 11:20 AM
Professor Coldheart said...: Actually, Mr. Dio wins the thread. He must have written that just as I was posting. Genuine LOLZ. Comments closed. Go home, everyone.; 11:21 AM
Joe said...: Lemme guess, the quoted passage was being used as further evidence of the world's flatness?; 11:36 AM
moribund said...: But I couldn't help it, and I still clicked on the link:

"The Arab world desperately needs its versions of South Africa’s Nelson Mandela and F.W. de Klerk..."

You folks over there, you know what you need? You need one of these Nelson Mandela types.; 11:48 AM
moribund said...: "Another option is that an outside power comes in, as America did in Iraq, and as the European Union did in Eastern Europe, to referee or coach a democratic transition between the distrustful communities in these fractured states. But I don’t see anyone signing up for that job."

Christ Jesus, is this one stupid fuck. Only in government, media, or academia could someone this dumb get away with it.; 11:50 AM
anne said...: , trip, hey wait ,.,i wasn't finished talking about hit ler ,.,said the beautiful disabled girl ,. running with the thread on her ankle ,fine ,.. .; 12:14 PM
Happy Jack said...: moribund - you missed "she sounded like a modern person."

And I don't know why he didn't just move his chair closer to the tv for a close-up view.; 12:22 PM
Paul Alexander said...: "Yes, hello, is this Marriott? I'm currently at the Red Roof Inn, and well, the breakfast, if you can call it that, is substandard. Also, my view of the Revolution is blocked. I was hoping you might have a room overlooking the turmoil and unrest available. Oh you do, wonderful! I'll take it! I don't think you understand how much your cooperation is helping to spread democracy, freedom and responsibility. This is Tom Friedman." "Ya Allah!!! Please, come quick Mr. Freeman, the Arab World needs you at the forefront of this historical moment!"; 12:26 PM
Anonymous said...: Don't just jump the shark -- be the shark; 12:29 PM
NutellaonToast said...: Don't worry, anne, you can talk about hitler here. He's visting SF, too. Shoot him an email re: Justin's exhibits.

I won't be showing. I'm out here in the East Bay for reason. Closer to the nature and outdoorsie bits. Museums are nice and all, but we have but so little time and I prefer to use that of it that's free to move my body. It's taking on a pleasant shape these days and I want to keep it up.; 12:40 PM
Anonymous said...: dude, you left out the best parts;

"The young-sounding Egyptian woman who spoke with me from the reservations department offered me a room and then asked: “Do you have a corporate rate?” I said, “I don’t know. I work for The New York Times.” There was a silence on the phone for a few moments, and then she said: “ Can I ask you something?” Sure. “Are we going to be O.K.? I’m worried.”; 12:42 PM
Anonymous said...: I said, “I work for The New York Times.” There was a silence on the phone for a few moments, and then she said: “Can I ask you something?” Sure. “Are we going to be O.K.? I’m worried.”; 12:45 PM
Anonymous said...: Argh. Pwned by Nony.; 12:46 PM
NutellaonToast said...: You've got questions? The New York Times has answers!; 12:47 PM
rob payne said...: Friedman is an intellectual.; 1:16 PM
anne said...: , oh,ops,.,there goes her attn span again . nutty toast ,.is talking about the out ,.of doors ,., ,.do let me tell you sometime about my swimming in a swampy lake to wash up and a few boat loads of twelve year old boys coming by ,., ,.,no doubt ,.,she is a mer' ,., swimmy,, .; 1:18 PM
Gridlock said...: It's like Hunter S Thompson on valium. With brain damage.; 1:29 PM
Gridlock said...: Why do mers have breasts Ann? Are they mammals?; 1:30 PM
IOZ said...: I don't know. I work for the New York Times.

I smell a slogan.; 1:34 PM
LA Confidential Pantload said...: Monsieur, I b'lieve the punctuation is off; it's actually "I don't know I work for the New York Times."; 1:50 PM
ts said...: You know, Nelson Mandela is still alive, as is de Klerk. Let's book them a hotel room at the Cairo Mariott right away. Put it on Mr. Friedman's tab.; 1:56 PM
IOZ said...: Do you think Robben Island has a corporate rate?; 2:07 PM
anne said...: , did you slip ,.with your mind in ,.,water lovely ,.it is anne with an e, ,., / ,.of hunter ,.,did he write a poem about a sparrow ,. i've been wondering over the last few months ?; 2:11 PM
Beth said...: The man's every column is a commercial. Stay at Marriot! Dial it in on your BlackBerry! Visit Singapore! Test-drive a Limited Edition 2012 Nelson Mandela today!

But changing hotels to be closer to the "action" has got to be the objective correlative of Friedman's whole sticky, self-regarding career.

Marriot - just a little further than a stone's throw away.; 2:11 PM
Anonymous said...: Revolution, are like, sooooo inconvenient.; 2:12 PM
Crusader AXE said...: You know, there's a particular place in hell for dweebs like Friedman. We need a god capable willing shove an olive tree up his Lexus Loving Ass.; 2:15 PM
IOZ said...: Tom Friedman has CHECKED IN at The Revolution.; 2:16 PM
davidly said...: Wait! What was that you just said? To put it on Mr. Friedman's tab? No, no! The thing before that! Book Mandela and de Klerk a room at the Cairo Mariott.... That's it! It just might work!; 2:26 PM
Judith Miller's Scooter said...: The explicit mention of The Marriott puts me in mind of this from Matt Taibbi:

Friedman never forgets to name the company or the brand name; if he had written The Metamorphosis, Gregor Samsa would have awoken from uneasy dreams in a Sealy Posturepedic.

I wonder if he gets paid for the product inserts.

That lead paragraph truly is a gem. I sincerely hope the desk clerk exchange is fictitious.; 2:42 PM
Paul Alexander said...: So, De Clerq, Mandela and Tommy Friedman walk into a revolution...; 2:44 PM
Paul Alexander said...: His new byline:
Thomas Friedman, brought to you by:
The Marriott
iPhone
The Revolution
Lexus
China; 2:49 PM
Joe said...: "Yeah, and will I have a view of the riots from the rooftop pool?"; 3:27 PM
mistah charley, ph.d. said...: I understand that the Marriott chain was founded by Mormons.

Here in the DC area, in the 1950s, they also had a chain of restaurants - "Hot Shoppes" - modeled after the Howard Johnson restaurants of the time. Sometimes my family of origin would go there for a meal on Sunday after church.

Good times.; 3:33 PM
Enron said...: Funny how Friedman believes in apartheid yet is inspired by Nelson Mandela; 3:37 PM
Paul Alexander said...: The Mormons' fingerprints are all over the Egyptian revolution! Why does Tommy refuse to divulge this info to his readers, which he must surely know. Is it because they're buying him off? Hmmm...
http://tinyurl.com/4ym6bt9; 3:40 PM
Joseph Dietrich said...: Sometimes there's a man... I won't say a hero, 'cause what's a hero? But sometimes, there's a man – and I'm talkin' about the Friedman here – sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that's the Friedman. In Cairo. And even if he's a clueless man – and the Friedman was most certainly that, quite possibly the most incognizant at the Grey Lady, which would place him high in the runnin' for most incognizant worldwide – Sometimes there's a man... Sometimes, there's a man. Ah, I lost my train of thought here. But... aw, hell. I done introduced him enough.; 3:44 PM
Karl Franz Ochstradt said...: mistah chuck, I ate at many Hot Shoppes while growing up. The last to close was the one in downtown B-town, I think. Probably at Friedman's request. But I bet a lot of GEICO employees ate there over the years.

And don't forget Pappy Parker's Fried Chicken... and Jr Hot Shoppes.

As to Tommy F, someone should borrow a 4WD rat-trap and give The Friedman Compound on Bradley Bouldevard the world's finest Lawn Job.**

___________

**In some locations, called "Turf Job".; 4:25 PM
Anonymous said...: Tom F. is the MAYOR of Marriott - Tahrir Square

also, is it acceptable to switch like Tom F. did in that exchange with the Marriott employee? First he was quoting himself, then he was paraphrasing himself...all in the same paragraph. From "I don't know. I work for the New York Times" to a plain: Sure.; 5:37 PM
TedTheJackal said...: I stayed at the Happyton Hotel north of the square, I could recommend it. I only went to the Marriot, or it might have been the Hilton, to send a fax. Friedman is, almost as a matter of course, a jabbering idiot.; 7:18 PM
Happy Jack said...: I sincerely hope the desk clerk exchange is fictitious.

The scene: North Africa

Desk clerk: Monsieur IOZ, what kind of a man is Tom Friedman?

IOZ: Oh, he's just like any other man, only more so.; 7:26 PM
Gridlock said...: AFAIK there was an Egyptian 'Nelson Mandela', his name was Sayyid Qutb. Not sure how that one worked out or what his followers are up to these days, mind.; 7:59 PM
clothing said...: Many thanks to the person who made this post, this was very informative for me. Please continue this awesome work. Sincerely...; 9:47 PM
John said...: To Sr. Dio:

If you can see the Motel 6 across the street, you're expert enough to get my vote.; 10:09 PM
Soj said...: I wonder if you need special glasses to be physically present at "the action" and yet literally not see it.; 10:36 PM
stillnotking said...: My God, there is so much to love in that column. I'm a connoisseur of tortured Friedman prose, myself: "a democratic transition between the distrustful communities" is obviously wrong, and yet strangely appropriate -- one distrustful community transforming democratically into another, equally distrustful. "Even evolution is difficult in Egypt" reads as if Friedman's saying everything, up to and including evolution, is difficult in that benighted nation. (I think he meant "Evolution is difficult even in Egypt", but I wouldn't bet anything on it.); 12:42 AM
Anonymous said...: "ALL the woes of the empire" ?

Oh ZOZ, your'e SUCH the drama queen sometimes ...; 1:56 AM
anne said...: , from the last post, of ,.fuhrer ..of painting ,. is it true that he believed in some way ,.that some who do abstractions ,.of art ,.,can not see things as they are ,., ? /when in truth it is the opposite ,.,/ ,.or was this just someones interp. of something that he may have said , ,.; 4:10 AM
NutellaonToast said...: Swimming is nice. I get bored in lap pools. There are supposed to be nice swimming spots around here but I haven't found them yet -- again -- what with the time constraints. Sigh. All this technology and we can't invent an 8th day to the week yet.; 1:25 PM
anne said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 3:30 PM
Anonymous said...: Fucken aye anne, get rid of the goddamn elipsis and make a point now and again.; 1:06 AM
anne said...: point,. .; 1:22 AM
NutellaonToast said...: Ellipses contain 3 points. Also, anne never uses them.; 3:42 AM
anne said...: pebbles,.. / .are some,., missing the extra special little ,compared to fish/fishes falling from the sky , telling ,.of ,., justin takes the cake ,.of how he went about trying to meet his ..favourite ,. artist ,.,that i let him fly up here to meet up with me ,., and ,.. .; 7:30 AM

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Hosni Minibarack

54 comments:

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