CIA SUPERIOR
What did we learn, Palmer?
CIA OFFICER
I don't know, sir.
CIA SUPERIOR
I don't fuckin' know either. I guess we learned not to do it again.
CIA OFFICER
Yes, sir.
CIA SUPERIOR
I'm fucked if I know what we did.
CIA OFFICER
Yes, sir, it's, uh, hard to say
CIA SUPERIOR
Jesus Fucking Christ.
-Burn After Reading
So the various images of Americans stomping on Osama photos and jiggling their American-flag-clad potbellies in general jubilation at the assassination of a semi-fictional character whose vague presence at the periphery of the memoir that is America's autobiography signified nothing so much as a thin bravado spread haphazardly like a mat of dry sticks over a deep pit of fear and self-loathing are about as tawdry and embarrassing as anything I have ever seen, although it does make me proud to be a Pennsylvanian. While New York and Washington, America's two most excruciatingly déclassés metropolises manifested their gross triumphalism for the cameras with all the dignity of a late-90s MTV spring-break special, NPR's flumoxxed reporters wandered Shanksville searching vainly for a country jingo to express operatic delight at the dispatch of this latest Hitler among the Hitlers of our times. Unfortunately all they discovered were some terse nods and tentative questions: does this mean we can come home now? Quick cut to Washington. The answer: no. This morning various spokescreatures again reassured themselves that Our Commitment to Afghanistan will be generational, and officialdom is united in declaring that while the world is better, safer, greener, brighter, etc. in its post-bin Laden epoch, these are merely, uh, um, subjective, poetical judgements, and by any qualitative analysis the world is neither better nor safer nor greener nor brighter nor et cetera; his death, in other words, meant everything and nothing, the sort of weirdly simultaneous actuality and non-being that appeals to Pentagon officials, defense contractors, and medieval scholastics and just about no one else.
34 comments:
So like, what are ya sayin' like,
Obama's death is some kinda oxy moron or something??
Nice to have you back wit us...
I think you'll find Penn State was uncommonly pleased.
Let me preface this by saying that bin Laden was an absolute monster, a real meanie pants. But in a way, his existence was very beneficial in a number of ways. I mean, without him the Iraqis and Afghanis would never have had the opportunity to study under our magnanimous tutelage. We also wouldn't have such wonderful airport security. Imagine for a moment how much more awful this world would have been if Ramzi Yousef had been able to take down the WTC than the 9/11 dudes.
You might not be so proud to be a Pennsylvanian had you been watching the (nationally televised) Phillies game when the news broke. Plenty of boorish jingoism on display in the stadium that night. Maybe "proud to be a western-Pennsylvanian" would be more like it, or perhaps just "non-Philadelphian."
You just don't understand gay pride.
Actually, the stadium was being sarcastic as fuck.
Amanda Panda sez that the reason the Terror War's been going on so long is because we haven't had any clear-cut "victories", so if we allow everyone to wave their foam fingers and spell USA at the top of their lungs, our politicians will decide to end it all -- Gitmo, the wars, and the airport security. Which is what they really want to do in their heart of hearts.
It really has to be seen to be believed.
The movie JUST LET OUT, asshole. Can't we enjoy it for a bit before you start to go all Pauline Kael on us? I fucking hate people like you.
Bin Laden a monster? Not at all. Just an earnest believer attempting to do what his religion tells him to do. (His religion being strongly influenced, I should add, by our ideology -- self determination of peoples!)
I am pleased USG finally terminated him, because he stood against me and mine. But he was not a criminal is in the usual sense, that is, a person who transgresses the law of his own society for his own benefit. He was an enemy.
semi-fictional? well, unlikely at the very least. i mean, where does one find a 7 foot Arab, anyway? as for *hiding* one, how does that work? was he a San Antonio Spurs point guard all this time? the FBI data claimed he was only 160 lbs / which has me wondering was he even human? i suspect a creature of wire, string, and foam (not unlike Tim LaHaye)
Or, as Fafblog (the only other blog worth reading) put it:
http://fafblog.blogspot.com/2011/05/america-pleased-with-killing-of-thing.html
If New York is déclassé, what is the City of Pitt?
In other questions, I find it a bit funny no one was mean enough to point out to the revelers that it took the Greatest Army Ever ten years to find one lousy seven foot Arab. Christ, don't three trillion samoleans buy the services of a competent private dick?
I love that you continually entertain the notion that Americans aren't as blood thirsty as all that and agree with you, or something.
Shanksville has 245 people in it. I'm guessing most of them are just sick of talking to reporters. All the actual quotes I've heard may lack the "EWE ESS AYE"s, but they're plenty happy about his murder.
Face it homie, the man isn't perpetrating some giant fraud and turning this country into the abyss. This country is the abyss. People are the abyss. The man is just taking advantage of that fact. It doesn't just stare back. It reflects.
AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!
At least they went for the personal touch and dropped 25 or so Navy Seals on his roof rather than a 2,000lb B2 special delivery.
One can't help but suspect the decision was made in order to provide good televisual entertainment in the War Room. In fact isn't 45 minutes about right once you put the adverts in?
LOL. HULU Doubleplus!
, what wedding ,., .. said cave girl,. .. .
New York, declasse, from a guy in Pittsburgh, where winning Superbowls spawn rape.
I grew up there, so don't even start. Easily the most racist place I have ever lived, for starters. Most depresssed and most ignorant also. I will grant the accent is Hee-larious.
No jingoism? Maybe not on your street. Yeah, I can just imagine the quiet candlelit sobriety that would have followed Operation Geronimo had Philip Johnson's beloved PPG monstrosity or, better, a stadium, been a target.
Actually, the stadium was being sarcastic as fuck.
Okay, that was really funny.
This comment was removed by the author of all things.
This comment was removed by Navy SEAL Team 6. OOORAAHH!
My favorite headline in the Times:
"Afghans Fear West May See Death as the End"
I'm sure they're real fucking afraid, yo.
Also—yo, Hernando, "declasse" does not mean "unclassy."
u mad bro?
Or Burn Before Viewing, as I wished it had been titled after I watched it.
The first two sentences is the best thing I've read on this yet.
CBC: "US President Barack Obama is praising the crowds that gathered at the White House and in New York to celebrate the death of Usama bin Laden. The president says those people embody the true spirit and patriotism of America."
We are all hooting frat boys now.
IOZ,
As a fellow Pennsylvanian, at least for the first 18 years of my life, I regret to inform you that members of the commonwealth love themselves a good patriotic death party just as much as the next jingo: http://youtu.be/KWXnXaNj3X8
"Afghans Fear West Loves Death"... there I fixed it for ya
Thanks Charles, for that edifying video. Penn State is another stop I made on my way to my current excruciatingly declasse metropolis so no surprises there. I see Happy Valley still attracts the absolute worst children from Pittsburgh and Philly.
Wonder if Michael Berube was among the rabble.
On a side note, would you offer something on Ken Russell's The Devils? I've become.sort.of obsessed with it after a friend linked a conversation between Marat and De Sade from some movie. The set was reminiscent of the architecture of Graniers town, and probably because they were discussing the torture of some Huguenot or something. I've watched it again and not just the.prurient parts like when I was a kid and am very struck by it's disturbing aesthetic.
so why the bad rap on medieval scholastics?
It's nice that you missed the blood-frenzy. The crews at Docs and Howlers were all "Fuck yeah!" chanting "U, S, A!", with but tiny pockets of disgust/sarcasm. This town/commonpoverty is great and all, hooray! but to see this vile madness bubble up in folks I see every day made me sad. Just my perception, yo. Also, some CNN dude said Osama was responsible for the heinous attacks of September 11, 2011. Carry on.
I liked Howlers better when it was a shithole, when the Pens won the Cup.
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