Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Double Bubble Trouble

I sat down the The Internet Investment Bubble to talk finance, economics, and his predictions for the winner of this season's Ru Paul's Drag Race.


IOZ: It's great to see you again.

THE INTERNET INVESTMENT BUBBLE: Likewise.  You're looking fabulous.

IOZ: No, you're looking fabulous.  It's been ages!

IIB: Like a decade.

IOZ: You haven't changed.

IIB: Oh, hush.  I'll be sure to tell my colorist you said so.

IOZ: Are you still going to Marc-André.

IIB: Girl, that tired-ass queen?  Please.  I'm going to Viktor-with-a-K.

IOZ: Get.  Out.  I used to go to Victor-with-a-C.

IIB: He was cuter.

IOZ: So true.

IIB: Like that classic Cadinot scene at the barber.

IOZ: I love that one.  With the nerdy guy in glasses.

IIB: Totes.

IOZ: Ten years, really?

IIB: Eleven, I think.

IOZ: We were so fucking young.  I can't believe it.  We used to go dancing.

IIB: We used to do coke.

IOZ: I never.

IIB: It just flew up your nose.  By accident.

IOZ: I was so like, where did this bill come from?  Who rolled it up?  How did it get up my nose?

IIB: You wore tank-tops.

IOZ: Oh gawd.

IIB: You were a bottom.

IOZ: Lies and deceptions.

IIB: I still remember your Manhunt profile.

IOZ: No, that was even before Manhunt.  That was, like, still Gay.com.

IIB: AOL m4m.

IOZ: Shush, I'm not that old.

IIB: Not quite.

IOZ: So, let me ask you: seriously.  Are you for real?

IIB: You mean, like, the Instagram thing?

IOZ: A billion, really?

IIB: Well, it is the internet.  It's like when the profile says eight inches.

IOZ: Five inches.

IIB: Measured on the bottom.

IOZ: Includes the balls.

IIB: Metric.

IOZ: Girl.  So what are the implications?

IIB: The ramifications?

IOZ: Totes.

IIB: Same as before.  You know how I roll.

IOZ: Such a bitch.

IIB: Is it my fault I look this good?

IOZ: You do look good.

IIB: Ashtanga.  I've got better abs than when I was twenty.

IOZ: So I see.

IIB: We never fooled around.

IOZ: We'll never fool around.

IIB: We made out, once.

IOZ: We were so high on pets.com.  We were tripping.

IIB: Well, maybe in another ten.

IOZ: You'll be back?

IIB: I never left.

IOZ: Bisous.

IIB: Kisses.

11 comments:

General Mobius said...

"We were so high on pets.com" wins the day.

Leonard said...

IOZ: I saw you on Facebook.

IIS: Hawt, right? $100 billion, beeyotch! Come on, give me a "like".

NutellaonToast said...

I'm inclined to agree with you, that monetizing these things is impossible.

But then I remember that there are people stupid enough to actually pay for porn on here and I start to wonder.

lucid said...

Wait, there's porn on the internet?

RedPhillip said...

@Lucid: No. I used it all up.

respjrat said...

zuckerberg dropped a billion on myspace glitter.

Eerily Lackadaisical said...

I'd rather hang out with The Bubble than the Fluffy White Kitten any day.

Why not make him a regular, like Foodie Friday?

Anonymous said...

No one in this world, so far as I know—and I have searched the record for years, and employed agents to help me—has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people. HL Mencken

The Dull Sycophant

Anonymous said...

hey i owes,
wanna buy my anonymous commenting account for fifty bucks?

jivesquirrel79 said...

I'm a homeschooler and what is this?

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