Prometheus is the heartfelt and charming story of a sexy android, played with compelling wit and an assured twinkle by Jude Law and his best friend and sidekick, a plastic surgery pod played with intelligence and grace by Michael Fassbender's excellent posture, as they traverse a future America in which Ethan Hawke is played by Charlize Theron and Uma Thurman is played by the Norse god Heimdallr, who bears a remarkable resemblance to Idris Elba. The Android, named David, is obsessed with Italian cycling, but his father just doesn't understand. Eventually, they find the fifth symbol and open the Stargate, but what they find on the other side is not the answers, but the police. David asks the surgery pod if they should just keep going and guns the engine. Charlize Theron sprints after them, but it is too late. Mark Ruffalo's butt. How many times have I told them to put locking mechanisms on the vehicle doors? In the end, the Octogator impregnates the Sharktopus. I happen to know that a little Lebowski is on the way.